I can’t delete things if peons, I mean contributors, don’t write things first. So with that in mind I’d like to send out some invites for guest bloggers that came to mind while I surfed all 137 godforsaken channels on my cable at 3 in the morning yesterday. I ended up finding some minor celebrities that I think could be forced to blog for us. Consider these two people:
- On an episode of Star Trek the Next Generation I briefly passed, some aliens were beamed up and the bald captain turned to the guy standing behind a table and said “Thank you Ensign Bearclaw” (at least in my stupor, that’s what it sounded like to me). Anyway, I don’t know what episode this was, but it must have been late in the season because it’s was clear that the budget for alien costumes had already been blown–the only thing that made these aliens look “alien” was some plastic nose and lame hair cut. So I don’t know who this actor was, but since every loser who thinks they’re important has a blog these days, I’ll bet this guy does too! So maybe he can write here and tell us what the buffet table was like the day he worked on Star Trek, or really any mindless drivel will suffice.
- I found Girl in Shower #3 when I woke up and realized I slept through all but the credits in Porky’s 2: The Next Day. At least here I have a name: April Summers. I’m sure if you’re biggest contribution to life on Earth is appearing naked in a shower scene in a C-grade 80’s skin film, there’s a great chance you’ve started a blog to tell people about it and remind anyone who will listen why Pee-Wee was called Pee-Wee.
So let’s find these people and make them blog for my amusement! We’re into day three here and I haven’t made a red cent! Pretty soon I’m going to smit someone just to prove that I can!!
Blogger from the Future said
I fear to tell you too much about the fates of people still living in your timeline. However, I can reveal that April Summers will become of your era’s greatest actresses. In 2014 she will win her third academy award for her portrayal of Golda Meir in Israel: The Musical. This would be April’s most contested win since many believed the award should have gone to Meryl Streep for her performance as Condolezza Rice in The Condi Story. The passions of the debaters would lead to riots after the ceremony, and six days later all of Hollywood would be burned to the ground, most actors would lose their lives trying to save their homes.
Today, we still celebrate Death of Hollywood Day every March 15th.
Tiberius said
I believe the character you’re referring to is actually Lt. Barclay, he was played by Dwight Schultz and appeared in several episodes of Star Trek The Next Generation and even Star Trek Voyager.
Master of Thy Site said
Perhaps you are correct Tiberius, however by correcting Thy Master, you have angered me! I would see your keyboard littered with thy own entrails for daring to speak to me as if were equals!!!
But…I’m feeling a little generous today so I shall only banish thee for two weeks.
Amok Time said
Ghur Huk Chak chak mmrrghh rak, Tiberius!
That’s Southwestern Klingon for “Up Yours and your mother’s too, Tiberius!”
Good god, you whine more than Shatner himself! How dare you follow me to this site and call yourself the greatest Star Trek fan ever in the Cast of Characters section? What lengths have you ever taken t show your loyalty towards the best sci-fi franchise ever created? You and I both know we’re equal when it comes to owning episodes and licensed merchandise, but who has more show appearances?
*Gurgh! (*translated meaning “Me”)
Who has more autographs and $20 poloroids in his scrapbook?
Gurgh!
All you have to do at a show is wear that stupid stretched-out shirt (which is so discolored, it looks like three-day-old pee I might add) and a toupee. I have to dress up in FULL make-up, then sweat my ass off in traditional Klingon battle attire (the ceremonial robe alone makes me sweat 20 pounds a show.) Now that’s Trek-dedication.
See you in two weeks, loser!
Amok Time said
PS: I think these are great ideas, Master of Thy Site. This December, I’m attending a Trek convention in Alabama at a Super 8 along the freeway. I think Barclay’s going to be there, along with Colm Meaney and the guy that played Mordock in the “Coming Of Age” episode. I’ll ask him if he’s free after the meet and greet!
Master of Thy Site said
Now this is the type of loyalty that I speak of. Thy sycophantic demeanor amuses me. Thy words make me feel as if you are begging by Thy Master’s feet for Thy Master’s gratitude, as every miserable blogger on this site should do. Therefore, I shall grant thee a reward… and kick you off for one week.
No need to thank me for this gracious gift… I wouldn’t allow thy post wouldn’t show up anyway.
wookin' pa nub said
Wow. Not only is this new site creator a self-important, super-inflated ego, but he also kicked off the Star Trek guys!
What’s not to love!
And let’s not overlook the fact that his total posts only four days into this new site are already twice as much as the other Overlord posted in all of April!
Sexy Big Time said
How sad are you boys that you need to get your rocks off to some B-rated stand-in whose only claim to Hollywood fame was letting her ya=ya’s hang out of a skimpy towel.
Note to self, kids: If you want to ever experience the touch of a real woman, stop putting your VCR’s on pause and salivating over ones you’ll never get!
Kisses!
wookin' pa nub said
*sigh* Gee Sexy Big Time, you’re a real breath of fresh air on the internet! Surf message boards and one thing you rarely see is an unknown female poster telling others how hot she really is! I’ll take any bet you’re really 5′4″, 150 lbs, and your last boyfriend carried a wallet with a chain on it–and the only thing in it was a picture of his motorcycle!
Sexy Big Time said
Look at you… some loser who hides behind a picture of Buckwheat instead of being proud of the way he looks… which only leads me to believe you’re 39, grossly overweight, bald as a cueball and probably compensating for it by wearing some sort of disturbing facial hair like a beard or sideburns of something else lame.
At least my pictures legit (taken last year while I was on Spring Break in Cancun). What did you do on Spring Break, nerd? Watch CSI with your mommy while you shaved off her corns?
wookin' pa nub said
*rolls eyes* I’m not hiding behind a picture of Buckwheat you cow, google my username and you’ll understand the joke…or maybe you won’t since you seem to think that’s Buckwheat up there.
And I guess I could show you a picture of myself when I was in Cancun and won the hottest body on the beach contest. Just let me google some pics first…
Peter Guzinya said
(Let that beat roll… I said let that beat roll, y’all… this one’s going out to all them bloggers who use pictures that don’t match their profile, yo.)
I said check one two…is that you?
I see a pic y’all, but it be too small!
Are you legitimate…or did ya Google it?
So tell the truth y’all, or lose a tooth, baller!
It’s the same lame game you see on ev-e-ry blog
A hot pic of some chick when she’s really a hog.
Do you think a girl that looks that sweet would have no life
Hell, you know she’s spending dollars bein a trophy wife.
Ya gotta ‘cept that what you see is probably not what’s real
You really think that chick looks like Allie McBeal?!?
It’s just a pic, don’t be a dick and take it all that far
It’s not a lie, it’s just some stupid lillte avatar.
Ah-ah-ah-ah- Ah-ah-ah-ah- Ah-ah-ah-av..av-av-at-ar!
babagooey said
Holy…
I can’t leave this site for two seconds without it being overrun with a bunch of sci-fi dorks. You guys DO realize that if you took the same time studying physics that you wasted memorizing useless facts like how many times Bones said “He’s Dead, Jim” in the original series, or, what year was Data’s brother Lore constructed on the planet Whogi-vesash-it, you’d have six-figure jobs and trophy wives instead of a basement apartment in your folks house and a stack of old Club magazines, right?
wookin' pa nub said
Hey babagooey, I don’t know who Bones is, I don’t know who Jim is, I don’t know who Data is, I didn’t know he had a brother, and I sure as hell didn’t know his name was Lore. So what was your point again about losers that are into Star Trek?
You’re as pathetic as Sexy Big Time. You really don’t need to try and impress anyone here with tales of how much better you think you are then the rest of us, that’s what the Overlord used to do.
wookie hunting nookie said
Every time I see that picture at the top, I think that girl bending over looks like Jennifer Garner! I guess I need to go rent this movie…I never heard of it before.
Bizarro Blogger said
Goodbye!
Girl picture make Bizarro so excited, me real limp. Me need to push penis real slow so I go.
Salute Yer Privates said
Focus soldiers! This thread is getting FUBAR. Stop ghosting privates or I’ll get on the horn to our Commander-in-Grief before this thread goes Kool-Aid.
Mona Lott said
You crazy kids and your new television shows. I’m not familiar with this moving picture Porky’s, but it sounds like a grand time. Is it a musical or a talkie?